Artoo's Frazzled Circuits: The 'Hand of Thrawn' Diary
by Ana Hazel
Summary: The events of the Hand of Thrawn Duology seen through Artoo's photoreceptors / Written for the 2015 Dear Diary Challenge at Jedi Council Forums Fanfiction Boards.
1. Entry 1

**Title:** Artoo's Frazzled Circuits: The Hand of Thrawn Diary

**Author:** Hazel

**Timeframe:** 19 ABY

**Characters: **R2-D2, C-3PO, Luke Skywalker, Leia Organa, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Mara Jade, Talon Karrde, etc...

**Genre:** Humor, Adventure

**Notes:** Written for the 2015 Dear Diary Challenge from Jedi Council Forums.

**About the Challenge:** Keep the diary of a character (OC or canon) for a whole year; update it at least twice a month.

* * *

><p><strong>Entry One<strong>

**.**

INTERNAL STORAGE PARTITION » FORMAT

INTERNAL STORAGE PARTITION » CONFIGURE

ENTRY » START NEW

GALACTIC DATE » 54:3:1 GrS

GALACTIC POSITION » Jedi Academy, Yavin 4

SITUATION » Internal storage maintenance and optimization

.

»» STATUS UPDATE: Once again, it is time to archive old data and prepare internal memory in order to continue my recordings. I expect one day my recordings will be an invaluable tool in understanding the continuity of past, current and future events by future generations of sentient beings and droids.

»» In order to maximize my internal storage space, I have developed a new compression algorithm and indexing routine and will now proceed to test it by archiving the records of the most significant events of the past ten years.

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»» INDEXING MAJOR EVENTS … … …

» 45:3 GrS:

» Palpatine's clones appear on Byss and force Master Luke and I to travel there through a Force-storm-wormhole-anomaly. _Seriously, not a comfortable way to travel. I do not recommend it_. In fact, the whole trip was a disaster! The Palpatine-Clone was dead set in taking over the galaxy and destroying all that opposed him and somehow managed to recruit Master Luke. T_o this day, I cannot comprehend how Anakin-Junior thought it was a good idea to pledge allegiance to the Emperor's clone, and I was there! I recorded him doing it. He reasoned that it was an act to gain the clone's trust. I recorded that too. If I were physically able to, I would have facepalmed_. _I suspect Master Yoda, Master Kenobi and all the other Jedi of old would have facepalmed with me. Anakin Senior would probably have applauded._

» 45:9 GrS:

» The Princess and Captain Solo had their third descendant and named him Anakin after his grandfather. It was a joyous occasion for the family. I gifted the infant a toy lightsaber, like the ones the old Jedi used to have in the Academy's nursery. He mistook it for a pacifier. _They don't make future Jedi like they used too_.

» 46:3 GrS:

» Master Luke declared himself Jedi Master, opened the Jedi Praxeum on Yavin 4 and began training future Jedi. This proved far harder than he anticipated as some of the students chose the Dark Side. There was even one that went so crazy as to blow up a planet. Surprisingly, this student later graduated the Academy with honors. _Yeah... Don't ask_.

» 47:5 GrS:

» This was a particularly confusing year for me and I tried to stay clear of Master Luke's sight, although without success. First, one of Master Luke's students, who was very sick, transferred his conscience to a droid. _Yes, to a droid. See what I mean by wanting to stay away. We are now body parts for sentients to inhabit?_

»After that, Master Luke and his students found one of Palps' superweapons, an artificial asteroid denominated _Eye of Palpatine_ and he managed to fall in love with the ship's computer, who called itself Callista. _We really should have gotten Master Luke a girlfriend before this happened. He was sooo needy in those days_. To this day I am convinced the Callista-computer uploaded some sort of virus onto Anakin-Junior's circuits because he completely ignored Mara Jade when she came to rescue us from the superweapeon.

» For records' sake, I should clarify that Callista was actually a Jedi from the Old Republic who had transferred her conscience to a computer and later transferred it to the body of another of Master Luke's students. _Are your circuits spinning yet? Because mine are._ Unfortunately, or fortunately - I'm not sure, the computer/Master Luke's student did not stick around and ended up breaking Anakin-Junior's heart when she left. _I'm telling you, Callista gives computers a bad name and if I ever see her again I will upload a virus to her system that will blow her circuits to the Maw._

» 49:6 GrS:

» The Solo children were kidnapped. Fortunately, I was with the Princess when it happened and was instrumental in aiding her in the pursuit of the kidnapers and rescuing the children safe and sound.

» Oh, we also met a sentient blob denominated Waru who was quite apt at delusions of grandeur.

» 51:8 GrS:

» The Black Fleet Crisis began just as Master Luke had decided to take a vacation and search for his mother. Luckily, I had not joined him in this vacation and was able to aid in solving the crisis. Master Luke returned in time for the victory party.

» 52:6 GrS:

» Some of Master Luke's former Jedi students started to cause trouble in Almania and we went there to put a stop to it. Well, actually, Master Luke went ahead and the rest of us - Talon Karrde and Mara Jade included - had to go after him and rescue him. _Yes, we rescued the Jedi Master. Again!_

» 53:3 GrS:

» Lando Calrissian recruited Master Luke - who in turn recruited myself and C-3PO - for a wife-hunt. At first, I thought Master Luke would also be invested in hunting for a wife for himself(_seriously, Anakin-Junior is a dud at finding girlfriends, his last one was a computer_), but as it turned out, only Calrissian was to do the hunting. The rest of us were merely props.

» Calrissian's wife-hunt was cut short by the Corellian Insurrection and somehow the entire family and some friends, Mara Jade included yet again, managed to be in the center of these events and ended up saving the day. _Again!_

» 53:9 GrS:

» Lando Calrissian got married. The ceremony was attended by 4268 beings and the party lasted 5 consecutive standard days. Master Luke danced with Mara Jade until they started arguing about some unknown subject. They have not met since. He did manage to catch the groom's gloves so, according to tradition, he will be the next being to marry. _Either there is hope or the institution of marriage will be forever banned from the galaxy._

»» END INDEXING MAJOR EVENTS

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»» SAVE INDEX » CLOSE

»» START COMPRESSION »» COMPRESSING... COMPRESSING... COMPRESSING »» FINISH COMPRESSION

»» _YESS! My new archiving system has decreased the storage space for these records by 40%. SUCCESS!_

.

ENTRY » CLOSE » ENCRYPT ENTRY


	2. Entry 2

ENTRY » START NEW

GALACTIC DATE » 54:3:10 GrS

GALACTIC POSITION » Hyperspace

SITUATION » En route to Iphigin

.

»» STATUS UPDATE: I am happy to report that I am once again travelling via _X-wing_ and accompanying Master Luke on a diplomatic mission. It has been a long time since this set of circumstances had not come together and I will admit that I missed it.

»» The _X-Wing_ is asking me to record that _it_ is also glad to be needed by Master Luke and to provide transport to us once more. I believe our fighter has been feeling ignored since Master Luke has been preferring the Academy's Lambda shuttles, although with a valid reason; they are able to accommodate more beings in their interior. But since we are not escorting students on this trip, Master Luke thought we should bring the _X-Wing_ along. I believe Master Luke is also enjoying this little reunion. He never sleeps so well in the shuttles as he does in the X-Wing. CORRECTION: He never _Force-hibernates_ so well in the shuttle as he does in the X-Wing.

»» _Oh, look... he's snoring._ I should record the sound so that he will believe me the next time we argue about this. RECORDING … RECORDING … RECORDING... _There!_

»» Alright, I guess I should log our mission purpose for this entry: We have been requested by Princess Leia to aid Captain Solo in mediating a dispute between the Diamala and the Ishori, regarding trade and the sharing of resources. The meet-up is to take place on the neighboring system of Iphigin.

»» Captain Solo mediating... now that is something worth recording. I suspect there will be casualties. The Captain is the sort of being that draws his blaster first and asks questions later. _What was the Princess thinking?_

»» Anyway... hopefully Master Luke will be able to rein in Captain Solo's temper. And hopefully he will _not _do it using the Force. It is a common belief, these days, that Master Luke is relying on his Force abilities way too much. I have heard many beings stating concerns about this habit of his. People are starting to fear him and this is not a good thing for the Jedi Order or for Master Luke personally.

»» _I will try to talk some sense into him. Not that he will listen. Anakin-Junior never listens to me. Just like his father! Which is yet another reason why he should listen to me. Bleeping Skywalkers!_

»» Oh, well... Iphigin is coming up on sensors. It is time to wake up the sleeping Jedi.

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ENTRY » CLOSE » ENCRYPT ENTRY


	3. Entry 3

ENTRY » START NEW

GALACTIC DATE » 54:3:10 GrS

GALACTIC POSITION » Iphigin

SITUATION » Keeping an eye on things

.

»» STATUS UPDATE: We arrived on Iphigin 5 standard hours ago and Master Luke went off with Captain Solo, Chewbacca and the Diamal representative, telling me to '_stay with the ship_' and to '_keep an eye on things_'. I do not think he realized that unless '_things_' happen within this docking bay, the two orders are mutually exclusive.

»» Maybe he meant that I am to watch over the _X-Wing_ and the _Millennium Falcon_ which, if this is the case, is a complete waste of my talents » EMIT FRUSTRATED SIGH » _I really wanted to watch Captain Solo mediate this dispute._

»» Oh, well... I will take the opportunity to catch up with the _Falcon_; we have not chatted in a while.

»» The _Falcon _is informing me that the Princess did not send Captain Solo on this mission, he simply took off on his own, stating that he would not allow his wife's vacation to be interrupted. Seeing that the Solos were spending their vacation in the Noghri settlement on Wayland, I suspect the Captain might have needed a vacation of his own, from his wife's Noghri guard.

»» Master Luke has just commed me and told me to start up the X-Wing's engines. _I guess there was a point to having me stay behind with the ship, although I still feel that acting as a remote ignition device is a waste of my abilities. _

»» _I wonder what the emergency is? Did Captain Solo already mess up the negotiations and we need to leave the system in a hurry? _I guess I will find out in the next 16.5 standard seconds.

»»_ We're gonna do WHAT?! What do you mean we're gonna chase pirates? We didn't come here to chase pirates; we came here to negotiate a peaceful treaty. _

»»_ I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT AFRAID OF A COUPLE OF PATCHED-UP PIRATES SHIPS!_

»» Excuse me, my full attention is required for the upcoming pirate chase; I will resume this entry afterwards, if I am not destroyed in the meantime.

»» ENTRY » SAVE

.

«.».«.».«.».«.».«.».«.»

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»» ENTRY » RESTART PREVIOUS RECORD

»»_ I HAVE SURVIVED! _

»» Ahem... I mean, I am happy to report that our skirmish with the pirates resulted in no casualties on our part and plenty on theirs - 7 of the pirates' ships were destroyed and two were seriously damaged; neither the _X-Wing_ nor the _Falcon_ experienced any damage or malfunctions; _which, as far as the Falcon is concerned, is quite surprising._

»» Hmm... Master Luke is telling Captain Solo that he believes that the pirates we have just encounters are actually clones and is wondering if the Empire is behind this attack and others like it. He is suggesting that we ask if Talon Karrde has any information about this._ He is, after all, the most well informed being in the galaxy. _

»» ENTER SIDE NOTE: Master Luke's biometric readings peaked when he mentioned Karrde's name. Even captain Solo noticed the strain on Anakin Junior's voice and came to the same conclusion as I did - the reason for it is Talon Karrde's second-in-command, Mara Jade.

»» _Someone should lock Master Luke and Mara Jade somewhere so they can work out their differences. This is getting ridiculous._

»» Now Master Luke is asking Captain Solo why the Diamala don't like him? _Wait! What? Master Luke is not taking part in the negotiating? Then what are we doing here anyway?_

»» Oh, boy. It seems the generalized feeling about Master Luke and his use of the Force is shared by the Diamala. I will insert here a recording of Captain Solo's words to Master Luke » INSERT AUDIO RECORDING » _"Because you're too powerful. At least, according to them. They claim that Jedi who use as much power as you do __always end up slipping over to the dark side."_ » END AUDIO RECORDING

_»» And now Master Luke is upset about the situation. I know he'll spend the rest of the day whining about it and moping._

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ENTRY » CLOSE » ENCRYPT ENTRY


	4. Entry 4

ENTRY » START NEW

GALACTIC DATE » 54:3:15 GrS

GALACTIC POSITION » Kauron Asteroid Field

SITUATION » Infiltrating the Cavrilhu pirates' base

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»» SITUATION UPDATE: Master Luke and I have succeeded in infiltrating the Cavrilhu pirates' base and once again I am fighter-sitting.

»» I will elaborate - with the help of the New Republic Intelligence Office, Master Luke was able to track the pirates to this lair and then came up with a disguise for us. He is a smuggler named Mensio who works for another smuggler named Wesselman and is bringing over some of good the pirate captain had ordered. I am posing as one of the goods - a SB-20, which is an R2 shell outfitted with espionage gearing and programing. Wait a minute... I already had all those things. _Does this mean I am actually a SB-20 and not a R2 unit?_

»» Uh-ho! Communications are being jammed. That could only mean Anakin Junior's disguise has been compromised and he is in trouble.

»» _Anakin Junior is not the only one to be in trouble. THE PIRATES ARE COMING HERE! THE PIRATES ARE COMING HERE! ANAKIN-JUNIOR, WHERE ARE YOU?_

»» Time to eject the _X-Wing_ from our transport and run interference.

»» _Take that you lousy pirates! And THAT! And THAT!_

»» Oops! Maybe I shouldn't have destroyed the landing bay's atmosphere shield generator. Master Luke is going to have a hard time coming back.

»» And w_here the BLAST IS that BLEEPING KID?!_

.

ENTRY » CLOSE » ENCRYPT ENTRY


	5. Entry 5

ENTRY » START NEW

GALACTIC DATE » 54:3:15 GrS

GALACTIC POSITION » Kauron Asteroid Field

SITUATION » Escaping the Cavrilhu pirates' base

.

»» _MASTER LUKE IS DOING WHAT?!_

»» Ahem... STATUS UPDATE: After 19.4 standard minutes without any news from Anakin Junior, supposedly due to a communications jam, my auditory sensors began to register several explosions drawing closer to my location. At this point, I tried once more to contact Master Luke with no success; 2.1 standard minutes after that, I realized the jamm had been lifted when two voices I identified as belonging to Master Luke and to Mara Jade came through the _X-Wing's_ comm system. _Yes, Mara Jade to the rescue once again. How does she always know when Master Luke is in trouble?_

»» After I explained my status to them - that the landing bay was now in vacuum - and Master Luke noted that he did not have access to an evac suite, they decided the only viable option was for him to just hold his breath, float through space and reach Mara Jade's ship - the _Starry Ice_ - without any sort of life support. _HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE REPULSORS TO DIRECT HIM!_

»»_ This has to be the craziest thing Anakin Junior has ever done! Well, maybe not..._

»» I have just been ordered to take the X-Wing and dock with the _Starry Ice_.

»» _May the Force be with Master Luke!_

»» ENTRY » PAUSE

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«.».«.».«.».«.».«.».«.».«.»

.

»» ENTRY » RESUME

»» MASTER LUKE IS ALRIGHT!

»» Well, not perfectly alright; he is covered in bruises and deep and bloody gashes, but we are together again and blasting a path out of this bleeping asteroid field for ourselves and for the _Starry Ice_.

»» _Funny how Master Luke has directed the X-Wing to be in the perfect position to have a clear view of Mara Jade and she of us. And I detect his mood has somewhat cleared in the last few minutes._

»» _Blast another asteroid!_

»» Huh, Master Luke, there is an unknown vessel coming up on sensors. _Oh, they've seen it. No, I do not know that design, that is why I said 'unknown'._

»» And now there are more ships showing up.

»» Now Master Luke wants to go in for a closer look. _Sure, 'cause we haven't been through enough today._

»» TURN ALL SENSORS AND RECORDERS TO MAXIMUM RANGE.

»» And now they are gone. _That was fast! Can we go now? I need to get Master Luke to a medical facility and get those injuries tended to._

_»» Okay, fine! I will send the collected data to Mara Jade first._

»» DATA » TRANSMIT

»» Alright! Let's go!

.

ENTRY » CLOSE » ENCRYPT ENTRY


	6. Entry 6

ENTRY » START NEW

GALACTIC DATE » 54:3:16 GrS

GALACTIC POSITION » NR medical facility

SITUATION »Recovering from encounter with Cavrilhu pirates

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»» STATUS UPDATE: I have succeeded in bringing Master Luke to a medical facility without him sustaining any more damage. _Seriously, I have never met anyone with more talent for collecting injuries. It is a wonder how this kid has not malfunctioned once and for all. Well, I guess the Force helps with that._

»» Anyway, the trip here was completely uneventful which allowed Master Luke to _sleep _- I mean, _slip _into a Force healing trance.

»» Funny how he muttered Mara Jade's name several times while under the trance. I specifically recorded his voice stating '_oh, yes, Mara, I am getting comfortable_', but I am not sure what he meant by that. I might ask him when he comes back from his treatment.

»» In the meantime, I need to make sure the _X-Wing_ is being tended to and, also, I have made an appointment for an oil bath. After all, I need to take care of myself. I am not as new as I used to be.

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ENTRY » CLOSE » ENCRYPT ENTRY


End file.
